Posted in Off Topic

Things are always easier said than done

‘Influential’ people like motivators often said nice encouraging inspiring things, yet i always wonder if they privately practice what they preach. Cuz i believe their lives are far from perfect themselves. This is confirmed by Samuel Mulia’s Parodi column in Kompas, 1 May 2011.

Saya mengevaluasi profesi dan hidup saya yg sesungguhnya. Untuk para klien, saya bisa menyarankan ini dan itu, harus ini, harus itu, jangan begina, jangan beginu. […] Saya memberikan strategi kepada mereka bahwa hidup itu hanya dijalankan saja, dan semakin ringan kalau hidup itu bergantung kepada Sang Pencipta. Tak perlu harus jadi penjilat atau memolitisasi keadaan di kantor hanya untuk memenangkan sebuah posisi empuk. Tak perlu harus menabur pesona di Facebook, di Twitter, dan di blog soal kehebatan, tetapi tetap menjadi manusia yg rendah hati saja.

Bagi mereka yg tidak bisa memaafkan, saya menyarankan mereka untuk memaafkan. Bisa menyarankan agar mereka mengampuni dan berdoa buat yg menyakiti mereka. Tak perlu harus berteriak dan menuding sebagai sebuah pembalasan.

Balasan itu hanya hak Tuhan, demikian saya menyarankan yg mulia, yg bisa jadi menenangkan batin. […] Tetapi apa kenyataannya? Sayang seribu sayang, saya jauh dari canggih menjadi ahli strategi dan perencana buat diri sendiri. Seperti kodok, saya punya dua dunia yg tak sama. Beberapa waktu yg lalu saja, saya tergoda untuk melakukan perselingkuhan, tetapi saya jago sekali menjadi perencana buat orang lain agar tidak berselingkuh.

Saya menyarankan menggunakan kartu kredit dengan bijak, sebulan lalu saya membayar kartu yg sudah sampai lewat batasnya dengan tidak bisa membayar penuh. Saya mau mendisiplinkan diri agar uang saya bisa bertumbuh, tetapi godaan membeli tas terbaru jauh lebih nikmat.

Saya jadi malu sendiri karena tak bisa mengampuni. Saya ini mudah sakit hati, tetapi susah memberi maaf. Punya jabatan macam begini, bebannya ternyata berat sekali. Saya berusaha setengah mati memesona dunia luar itu, sampai lupa yg pertama harus saya tata adalah diri saya sendiri. Apalagi profesi saya memang membuat yg luar harus terpesona.

Seyogianya saya tak bisa menjadi ahli strategi dan perencana dengan mengandalkan buku-buku yg saya baca atau kejadian orang lain semata, tetapi yg lebih penting karena saya menjalani sebuah pengalaman hidup yg sesungguhnya sehingga usulan-usulan saya jauh lebih orisinal, lebih masuk akal.


Yes, people like Bong Chandra The No.1 Motivator, Mario Teguh The Golden Ways, or even Samuel Mulia The Human Analyst are merely humans. They are just like us. The difference is they are capable of saying nice things about life, advising people of what they’re supposed to do, and so on AND millions of people actually listen to and live by their words. They have the gift of sweet-talking and people admire them for that, not minding to pay to attend their speech-y seminars.

I don’t have anything against them, but they are flawed. Advices thrown by Bong, for example, are so commonsensical I don’t need him to tell me that. I can think of those on my own. The words are so overused they sound cliche. I need something new! Mario Teguh seems more grounded and levelheaded, oozing warm fatherly charm. Nevertheless, he isn’t efficacious at Q&A sessions. He manipulates and plays with his words so that they appear to answer the question, but frankly he didn’t. I am often left puzzled by his retorts that i wonder how the audience could clap for such responses (I know, the crew cued them to). But then yes, I always tune in for the show whenever possible. The reason i watch his weekly TV program is just to listen to his flattery—what he got to say for an everyday topic—waiting particularly for his witty remarks. He is yet to inspire me but his above-average word-twisting ability (or how he laughs at his own ‘gags’) is fascinating.

For Samuel Mulia…I never see his appearance as he tranced me through written words—until I finally googled him and saw what he looks like (online). Not subscribed to any newspapers, i’m unaware of his works. Don’t judge me~ TV and internet are my sole sources of edutainment (OK, books and music as well) so my knowledge revolves around what’s on screen. But then I happened to read his weekly column during my weekly visiting-grandma chore, and I find his writings satirical yet highly relatable. At least i’m more excited upon reading his Parodi rather than Rene’s career coach in other section. His is more open, blatant, and…(can I say) honest?

“Hi Sam…apa kabar? Semoga sehat dan happy ya…” Pesan itu saya terima dari seseorang yg sudah lama sekali tak berjumpa. Saya sendiri lupa kapan terakhir saya bertemu, yg jelas pertemuan kami yg pertama adalah dua puluh tahun sekian tahun yg lalu, saat bersama-sama bekerja di sebuah majalah wanita. Waktu begitu cepat berlalu dan epat pula saya lupakan.

SMS yg saya terima itu membuat timbulnya rasa bersalah. Mungkin teman lama saya itu tak bermaksud membuat saya merasa bersalah, tetapi pesannya sudah membangunkan nurani. Kapan terakhir saya mengingat orang ini? Hanya untuk menanyakan kabarnya saja saya tak punya waktu, apalagi mau menyediakan waktu untuk mendengar. Saya terlalu sibuk dengan hidup saya sendiri.

SMS itu membuat saya berpikir. Hal terpenting bukan menyediakan waktunya, bukan juga hanya menanyakan kabar teman atau sahabat, tetapi menyempatkan berpikir untuk menanyakan kabar manusia yg banyak musuhnya seperti saya ini. Ini sungguh luar biasa. Maka rasa bersalah saya makin menjadi-jadi. Bisakah saya melakukan hal serupa?

Dunia mengatakan gigi ganti gigi, mata ganti mata. Maka saya melakukan apa yg dikatakan dunia. Mengapa saya harus berlelah-lelah menyediakan waktu untuk manusia yg membuat hidup saya sengsara? Bukankah sangat manusiawi saya bisa membenci dan susahnya mengampuni.

Saya sering dinasihati untuk berbuat baik dan dimarahi kalau tak bisa memaafkan. Dengan otak saya yg jongkok ini, saya berpikir bukankah itu yg menyebabkan saya disebut manusia dan ada yg disebut Tuhan?

Tuh kan, Anda rasakan sendiri, saya tuh gitu. Kalau sudah tersindir, mencari-cari alasan bahwa saya harus dimaklumi sebagai manusia. Harus dimaklumi bisa membenci dan tak perlu menjadi baik senantiasa. Karena kalau bisa menjadi baik dan benar seratus persen, nanti mendapat komen macam begini. “Sok suci lo.” Salah lagi.

[…] Kembali kepada SMS teman saya di atas, saya membalas dengan hati yg malu sekali dan dengan sejuta kemunafikan. “Saya baik-baik saja. Semoga kamu juga sehat dan happy ya. Ketemuan dong?”

Itu saya. Kalau sudah merasa bersalah, maka senjata ampuh akan saya keluarkan, yg berupa kalimat berbunyi: “Yuk ketemuan dong.” Jadi saya masih berusaha terlihat penuh perhatian di tengah kelalaian menyediakan waktu untuk orang lain. Saya tahu sekali, kalau kalimat itu pun tak bisa saya penuhi. Maka saya makin tersipu malu ketika ia menjawab begini. “Ha-ha-ha…secara jij yg sibuk ya boo…Nyantai aja. Pokoknya gue seneng denger elu sehat dan happy…”

Bayangkan ada orang lain bisa bahagia mendengar saya sehat walafiat. Kapan saya bisa melakukan itu? Saya harus belajar merendahkan hati, sebelum saya membahagiakan orang lain, dan sebelum menyuarakan janji palsu “yuk ketemuan dong” itu, dan tak tahu kapan akan dieksekusi.

~ KOMPAS Minggu, 15 Mei 2011 – halaman 13


See? Isn’t he so ‘normal’?? I mean, he is extraordinarily ordinary for a socialite. I know I had stated that he’s a human just like us, but he’s not just your guy-next-door type of person. A weekly columnist in Kompas is no way ordinary—and I suppose he’s a quite well-known writer. We have witnessed how prominent people (personages with outrageous paychecks) carry themselves. They’d talk carefully so as to sound smart, classy, and wise (I sometimes wonder why they don’t talk more simply; why go one full circle to say ABC?). By no means to look mussy and off-the-cuff let alone to admit ‘obtuseness’—but he did. No way he’d think like commoners: (wish) to not care about people who hurt us and to agilely come up with refutations of any ‘misdeed’ (that it’s humane to feel hatred or hard to forgive)—that’s why we’re humans and there’s God—but he did.

Aannyway, the reason I quoted the above passage was because the SMS which stirred guilt piqued my interest. He should have known better than any of us (since I read him saying how pretentious people in his industry are) that good profession—and fame—would win lots of fake friends (and real enemies). Unless that friend used to be quite close to him, the unexpected text could be interpreted in different light. I’m not being negative, but hey, 20-sth years ago he might still be a nobody. They have lost contact since forever and out of the blue the friend was curious how he has been doing? I call it weird.

To begin with, being texted is odd enough—now we’re in the world of technology providing services of free exchanges. To have kept his number after all those years is even weirder. People change number occasionally, and if he indeed keeps his number, mmm…I still find it bemusing to suddenly receive a text from somebody whom I haven’t kept in touch for probably decades. Do YOU still remember ME?? I must be special to you, but then why never contact me earlier?? Furthermore, the content was utterly random—what for? since the ‘fake’ invitation was civilly turned down. Lastly, if he himself is feigning care to meet up, isn’t it easy to assume the friend’s presumed happiness just by hearing that he is healthy and happy was fake too? He is in a position to be cautious (if suspicious) of someone’s advances.

Nevertheless, it is not at all impossible that the friend does care. Maybe during free-time, the friend suddenly remembers him and is unfeignedly curious of his well-being—and relieved to find that he’s doing fine. Cuz I sometimes experience this too without matching guts to actually text that somebody. Despite current deplorable conditions, I cannot afford to lose faith in the existence of good people. Wherein he then should indeed feel pleasantly surprised that those whom he no longer remembers still remember him (in a good way)…

Next, he candidly admitted that he’s too busy with himself he has no time to think of others. Well, it happens to everyone. Being alive is one thing, but to survive requires a whole different thing. Working alone takes up LOTS of time, and with people constantly being in the spotlight I assume free time is reduced further. They say they catch up with family and friends during off days, but it makes more sense that they’re so busy they don’t even have time for it.

While for the straightforward concession of hypocrisy, isn’t it untactful to be so open about it? His work here is highly likely to be read by the person he didn’t identify—his lip-service invitation included. No wonder he’s easily busted.

Unfortunately, I genuinely mean it whenever I ask for a meet-up. I earnestly desire to reconcile with them though seldom receive positive comeback. I’ve sent many wishful initiations ended up in oblivion I’ve stopped doing so for a while now. Maybe such invite is so hackneyed that people can no longer discern sincere from fake proffer. Deep down I know it as truth. From own experiences, I have learned just how far sweet-talk can go. I’m nowhere near good at it, but now I can guiltlessly dismiss such pleasing offers, which honestly hardly arrive—unless it’s followed up days later, which scarcely happens. At least now I know why…

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I blog sometimes, gush ofttimes, snark all the time.

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